Yeah We Knuckin' and Buckin' and Ready to...Bark?
- Hey Miss. Slaughter
- Oct 15, 2018
- 3 min read
When people describe me they may say, oh she's tall or she's in love with Steve Urkel. And despite the poll my roomates and I took, I am genuinely a nice person. I'm good with kids, I'm a people person. I love people. But everyday as I leave campus and head home the high on life I received from my colleagues and dear students floats away. To where, I'm actually not sure...but it floats away. Then doubt sets in, and the fear monster creeps up; questioning me if I belong here... well I do, hate to break it to you fear monster, but I'm staying. So sorry to disappoint you. Now, here I am walking, which if you all remember in my undergrad days was quite difficult #kneesurgerysucks . I decide to turn on some music that will hype me up and put me into a good mood as strut down the street in my keds. Most of the songs on my playlist are lovely, they are upbeat and quite hip, as the young folks say. But then I turned on Crime Mob's "Knuck If You Buck". BAD IDEA!!
Problem 1. My confidence high is already gone so my face is not the happy go lucky Mecca we all know and love.
Problem 2. I'm walking fast so it looks like I'm in a rush, plot twist I was, but to others it may be seen as something different.
Problem 3. It's Knuck if you Buck, this isn't a happy song. The lyrics say,
"Yeah we knuckin' and buckin' and ready to fight I betcha I'm'a throw dem thangs..", literally I'm ready to fight.
The resting face I am sporting is not helping the situation at all. Again, I consider myself a nice person, but honey there are some things I can't be nice about. Listening to my beloved stroll song gave me a different type of feeling. It's heightened because I'm being pointed and stared at like I'm at the Henry Doorly, little kids point at me in shock, mothers are covering their children as I walk by, and then barking! I was barked at. Yes #woofwoof I'm like there are definitely no members of Omega Psi Phi here, why am I getting barked at? Yes everyone I ignored the barking, I did not retaliate. Because then , and only then will they "angry Black woman" narrative hold itself true.
For a moment I thought, oh they're just high schoolers, they don't know any better. But you know what, get this... I'm a human being! What!? Yeah, I can't believe it either, I am a human. #omg I deserve not to be barked at.
I will say this to ease the heartache some might feel reading this, it will get better. People will get use to me being here. I'm going to be here for a while. I'll put it this way (thank you Kim) I am a newborn. I am so new to the environment and to the people around me. And just like a newborn, I will grow. Yes, it's true, newborns grow. And as newborns grow, the people around them get use to them being there. Once I become a toddler, it'll be like, oh it's just Mecca, she's cool, we like her. #winning
What's the takeaway today: "Knuck if You Buck" is a great song that I hold dear to my heart and you all should give it a listen; and, this will take time. Being Black in the Baltics is something new for myself and others, but God gives the toughest battles to the strong. So though my stature does not scream strong, I am, we are.
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