Knock, Knock, Are You Still There?

So it's been a minute, a really long minute. It's the 28th of December and I haven't written anything in almost a month. The drive to write has honestly left. I remember the past few weeks, sadly I can only recall the bad that has happen. I don't see it as negative because, well, it's reality. Sometimes I feel people don't understand the weight negative influences have had on my mental health. People have told me, oh it's going to be okay or just don't listen to it. Okay, thanks, but until you get laughed at everyday, called Nigga when you are trying to catch a taxi, get your hair pulled or have to make sure you're in the house before dark because you don't know what's going to happen, you don't have the right to tell me it's going to be okay until you take a walk in my shoes. (hope you can walk in heels).

Being Black is probably the best thing God has given me, I mean look at all this melanin! But for some reason people don't like it. The other day a little girl came up to me and after I told her to leave me alone she proceeded to hit me. It took all of my energy not to grab her! And then yesterday while we were walking into the store some kids thought it was okay to say "Hey Nigga".... Like really. It is so tiring to tell people everyday to not call me those names. And NOBODY takes responsibility for their children. I dare, DARE my brother to call someone an inappropriate name, do you know how quick he would be snatched up!?

I tell you this is not me trying to be like, woah is me, this is to remind y'all this is not all peaches and cream. I enjoy teaching and educating others. That's why I came here, to teach and be involved in the community. Teaching is what I do and know how to do, but because of the color of my skin I am deemed not worthy of doing that. They say they love Americans, but I guess they forgot there are Black Americans too. Nobody likes to talk about what's really happening in these countries to students. And I have a problem with that. Why doesn't anyone want to publicize the hurt these young people go through? I would never, ever, stop someone from applying to a country in this region. If this is what they want, who am I to stop them? But at least prepare them for what is going to happen.

My heart would drop if I put my baby on a plane to fulfill their dreams only to find out they get called out of their name and their hair pulled because of the color of their skin.

The rest of my time here will hopefully provide a more positive experience as I have moved to a different city. Hopefully the post after this become more of a positive read for you all, but honestly if you don't like that I write about the truth then you don't read my stuff because one thing that I won't do is hold back these experiences. Why cause myself more stress from putting on this mask for you all when I am suffering internally?

I initially asked if you were still there and I hope you are. My life has honestly completely changed since I left LAX on September 24th. I was excited and motivated to do something new, and now I'm like ugh...

Until next time my sugar plums...