Hypervisibility... Part 1

I rewrote the beginning of this post a few times because I wasn't sure how to jump into this subject... I guess I can start by letting everyone know that I'm Black #yay. If you don't know, now you know. Let me make note that I love being Black. I am so happy that my skin glows in the sun and my hair can hold a braid. Say it loud, I'm Black and I am proud #thankyouJamesBrown BUT, being here, hypervisibility has taken a toll on me. Why is it that color plays such a huge role in our lives. I walk the same, I breathe the same, I eat my donuts the same, but being here just seems too much for some to handle.

Receiving the Fulbright was one of the most exciting days of my life; but it was also a very difficult day. I was so excited to move to a different country and do great work, but I wasn't ready for the hypervisibility that came with it. But really, who is? I knew there weren't going to be a lot of Black people here, I knew that. But I didn't think that it was going to be like this.

In the states I am very aware of my surroundings and am cautious in spaces that I need to be cautious, but growing up Black in America did not prepare me for; my hair being pulled, being laughed at, being stared at, honks every step I take, kissing sounds at every move I make, fearful faces as I walk by. Sometimes I feel like I'm living during the Civil Rights movement... scared to go anywhere... leave the house.. breathe. It has even sent me to question the deepness of my skin tone. What if I was lighter? What if I could pass? Why am I thinking these things! Ahhhhh! The house and field slave narrative is on my brain tape and it shouldn't be....ugh,

Now don't get me wrong children, my time here thus far as been great. The people I have met, the things I have done, and the classes I have taught thus far have made being here that more wonderful. I don't take this experience for granted at all. People are so sweet and kind and some have definitely dubbed themselves my mother for the time being which makes me feel so loved. :) But how do you educate an entire country on what hypervisibility is and how they can make it an easier transition for those not from here?

My first step thus far is giving myself pep talks before I leave everyday. I tell myself, girl you got this, you are here for a reason, nobody can stop you from pursuing your destiny. I put on Jaden Smith's "Icon" and Crime Mob's "Knuck if You Buck" (oo-oop) on my way to work to get me in the "girl you can do it" mood. My second step is leaving the house everyday. My theory is that if people see me all the time they'll get used to me and lose their urge to pull my locs from my head. Which hurts by the way... ow.

How about we stop there for the time being.

I am not here to blame anybody and I am not here to say my experience thus far has been bad. I am here to share a raw experience of being Black in the Baltics.

#newbeginnings #blackgirlmagic #Stayprayerful